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ILUVU
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Posted: Monday December 15th, 2003 20:25 |
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Hello people,
I need some advice!!
The guy I have been dating for a while moved to a Hull university in September. I trusted this guy and thought we were honest with each other and that eventually we could settle down together....He sent me tickets to visit him on the weekend!! Friday night was great, I met all his friends!! Saturday afternoon, he tells me the girl he is "sort of" seeing is coming to his house from Manchester, now this girl goes to his university!! Other words he was trying to play me, for this girl and got caught out!! (this girl was supposed to come back on tuesday but instead came back on saturday). He ask me what are we gonna do about this? (damm cheek!!)
I live in London so I spent over 3 hours on the train going all the way to Hull to visit him!! Obviously we argued and he told me we were not really in a relationship and also that he didnt tell me about her because he knew I wouldnt come and see him if he did!! At 1st I told him I wasnt going anywhere, and that its not my problem I not going to accomodate for his sorry ass!! But then I couldnt bare to talk to him or be around him so I agreed to go back to London!!
He told me that he saw me and him more as a longterm thing, but as he is in Hull he cant be involved in a long term realtionship as he has his needs!! He also told me that he can send me tickets to visit him anytime!!
He begged me to look at him and talk to him, but I refused!! He even said unless I talked to him he wouldnt drive me to the station. I told him that if that is the case then the girl he is sort of seeing would find me here!!
Now this is the guy I was falling in love with, I gave my heart to, I thought was the one!!
I dont know what to do?
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Monday December 15th, 2003 20:35 |
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I believe you already know the answer to your own question but just in case you want it spelt out;
LEAVE THE GIT......Ok!!! He's moved on so should you...
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ILUVU
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 00:27 |
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| It not just a matter of leaving him what if you are in love...what if you have invested years in a relationship!! What if you are pregnant or could be!! Soo many people are quick to say give up on a relationship...what if you want to salvage what you have because you feel you have met the one!!
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 00:28 |
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| If, buts and maybes doesn't change the obvious fact that he has moved on and is seeing someone else..sorry but he's gone luv..
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Sassylady
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 01:19 |
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lol Kunjufu, you really do tell it like it is!!!!
ILUVU, girl, the question is, what do YOU want to do? I mean, from what you've said He told me that he saw me and him more as a longterm thing, but as he is in Hull he cant be involved in a long term realtionship as he has his needs!! he's being straight up honest with you that he's not ready for what you've got to offer....so, unless you're going to WAIT for him, the only other option is to focus on you and what you want to do with your life. BECAUSE!!! He's thinking of HIMSELF and you need to do the same (think of yourself)!
Here's another thing you said He also told me that he can send me tickets to visit him anytime!! It seems to me that this guy wants his cake and eat it!! It's a case of if you wanna put up with sharing him with someone else because he's evidently shown that you're not the ONLY one!! Love & respect yourself and don't put up with rubbish, he'll treat you the way you let him treat you.
I know it may be hard...looking at what you said: Now this is the guy I was falling in love with, I gave my heart to, I thought was the one!!
I dont know what to do? But you really need to think logically with the mind and not just the heart. Is he the guy you once fell in love with? Is he the one you thought he was? I mean, forget what he's SAYING to you, look at his ACTIONS because it's true what they say action speaks louder than words...
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Father Figure
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 02:35 |
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| This kind of situation is hard to deal with for both of you, what you need to do is to ask yourself if you realy want to be with someone who would do that to you. Think of it this way if it was you that went away would you play? if the answer to this is yes then you should be able to understand why he is doing what he is doing, if the answer is no you should let him know that you wouldn't do it so you don't expect him to, once you have done that tell yourself the samething and move on, also make sure you learn and grow from every experience wether it was good or bad as it will serve you well for any future relationships.
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stylishsista
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 03:17 |
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Its a big shame that men can be soo cold!!
At times I guess they tell you what they think you want to hear...then you start getting feelings for that person...you think your relationship can survive the distance and in the end he is caught cheating...I dont believe long distance relationships work!! But the fact is he should have told her where she stood...he mislead ILUVU and brought her there under false pretences...I dont think she would have gone if she knew that he was seeing someone else...noone would willingly put themselves in a situation like that!! I think this man is a coward...I dont understand why men feel the need to cheat? But once you've developed feelings for a person its soo difficult to just give up on a relationship!! Honestly this man doesnt feel the same way to her as she does to him...there is an awful unhealthy imbalance here!! If she is pregnant then she will have to eventually talk to this guy and work things out...for the childs sake!! Their is nothing worse than bringing up a child without a father!! The problem is how can we be sure if men are telling us the truth? How do we know that he is lying?
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Kizzi
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 05:29 |
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Forget about him. As far as he is concerned "U don't exist"
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bluehoney
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 08:46 |
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ILUVU wrote: Hello people,
I need some advice!!
The guy I have been dating for a while moved to a Hull university in September. I trusted this guy and thought we were honest with each other and that eventually we could settle down together....He sent me tickets to visit him on the weekend!! Friday night was great, I met all his friends!! Saturday afternoon, he tells me the girl he is "sort of" seeing is coming to his house from Manchester, now this girl goes to his university!! Other words he was trying to play me, for this girl and got caught out!! (this girl was supposed to come back on tuesday but instead came back on saturday). He ask me what are we gonna do about this? (damm cheek!!)
I live in London so I spent over 3 hours on the train going all the way to Hull to visit him!! Obviously we argued and he told me we were not really in a relationship and also that he didnt tell me about her because he knew I wouldnt come and see him if he did!! At 1st I told him I wasnt going anywhere, and that its not my problem I not going to accomodate for his sorry ass!! But then I couldnt bare to talk to him or be around him so I agreed to go back to London!!
He told me that he saw me and him more as a longterm thing, but as he is in Hull he cant be involved in a long term realtionship as he has his needs!! He also told me that he can send me tickets to visit him anytime!!
He begged me to look at him and talk to him, but I refused!! He even said unless I talked to him he wouldnt drive me to the station. I told him that if that is the case then the girl he is sort of seeing would find me here!!
Now this is the guy I was falling in
sweetie, it will not work, move forward with your life while you can without getting to hurt emotionally.. he is exploring, and you should also...if it is meant to be you will end up together..give him some room to grow and you do the same..
hope that helped...best wishes 
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Mafdet
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 09:36 |
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| Girl I hope you didn't write that message from his home pc in Hull because if so you have more than outstayed your welcome........MOVE ON, GET OVER IT, HE DON'T WANT YOU.
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Spice
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Posted: Tuesday December 16th, 2003 23:11 |
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ILUVU wrote: It not just a matter of leaving him what if you are in love...what if you have invested years in a relationship!! What if you are pregnant or could be!! Soo many people are quick to say give up on a relationship...what if you want to salvage what you have because you feel you have met the one!!
Love can't compenstate for everything! You just don't stay and take and forgive any type of treatment for love. She must love and look out for her best interest first.
Look this guy has been cheating behind her back, missleading her, lying to her, tricking, threating her if she doesn't do as he says and now he has flat out told her that he doesn't want a long-term relationship just a little on the side from her. I hope a house doesn't have to fall on her before she realize he is only using her and have nothing to give her in return.
To win at any cost is no win at all.
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ILUVU
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Posted: Wednesday December 17th, 2003 00:49 |
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Hello All,
Thanks for your advice...I would just like to add that we were not in a relationship we both agreed to see other people...The problem is I put a lot on hold to visit him that weekend...he was on my case to come down and see him and finally agreed to go!!
So he didnt cheat on me...I am more upset with the fact that he, lied to me, made me come down under false pretences, despite the various commitments I have at the moment!!
This was supposed to be our weekend together...some us time...as we hadnt seen each other for ages!! As a friend he should have at least have told me about her...as a friend he should have let me know what sort of situation I was getting myself into...as a friend he shouldnt have begged me to come and visit him if he was busy that weekend!! He flossed me to all his friends little did I know that his friends knew he was seeing someone therfore...his friends probably thought I was an idiot, or when of his London Hoes!! Do you have any idea what that does to someone and their feelings!!
I find this bullsh*t a constant trait in black men, know Im not syaing that they are all the same...but I am saying why do some many, treat women like crap....I dont think he would have been happy if his mother or sister was treated in that way!!
The only problem is I could be pregnant for this guy...so what do I do in this case?!!
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Sassylady
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Posted: Wednesday December 17th, 2003 01:56 |
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ILUVU, baby girl you said it yourself: I would just like to add that we were not in a relationship we both agreed to see other people...So he didnt cheat on me...I am more upset with the fact that he, lied to me, made me come down under false pretences, despite the various commitments I have at the moment!! He didn't actually lie to you, you both agreed to SEE other people!!! Girl, he didn't make you do anything, if you knew you had stuff to do then you tell him plain and straight cos guaranteed if he had something to do, no amounts of your begging and pleading is gonna get him to come see you!!
The problem is I put a lot on hold to visit him that weekend...he was on my case to come down and see him and finally agreed to go!! Again, it's not his fault you put a lot on hold for him! You done it because you decided to do it...he can't be accountable for what you decide to do, he can only ask you what he wants you to do. The bottom line is: YOU NEED TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE ANY MAN!
This was supposed to be our weekend together...some us time...as we hadnt seen each other for ages!! As a friend he should have at least have told me about her...as a friend he should have let me know what sort of situation I was getting myself into...as a friend he shouldnt have begged me to come and visit him if he was busy that weekend!! He flossed me to all his friends little did I know that his friends knew he was seeing someone therfore...his friends probably thought I was an idiot, or when of his London Hoes!! Do you have any idea what that does to someone and their feelings!!
I find this bullsh*t a constant trait in black men, know Im not syaing that they are all the same...but I am saying why do some many, treat women like crap....I dont think he would have been happy if his mother or sister was treated in that way!!
Now maybe he should have told you the situation up there but as far as he was concerned you both knew the deal, you know you're not his girl so at the end of the day he didn't make you look anyway...if you decided to step up to a post that you wasn't in, again that's on your part. Like I said in an earlier post...you need to look at this guys actions and not just his talk BECAUSE evidently he didn't care enough to tell you the situation, leaving you feeling crap and do you know what??? If you continue to put up with it he's going to continue to do that to you.
The only problem is I could be pregnant for this guy...so what do I do in this case?!!
Hmmmm, now that's entirely up to you!!!!! What do YOU want to do???? Well first of all find out if you are or not and then you got to make some decisions...(remember he's in Hull, you're in London, what's the likely situation going to be...? ) You need to start focusing on you because HE'S FOCUSING ON HIM!
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Mafdet
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Posted: Wednesday December 17th, 2003 09:52 |
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Don't sweat it if you are pregnant, you can always ask the other girl from Manchester to babysit.
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stylishsista
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Posted: Friday December 19th, 2003 07:33 |
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Dont give your heart away.
Leave it behind closed doors so you wont get hurt!!
Just like the best protection from a sexually transmitted disease and getting pregnant is no sex at all!!
The best protection from getting hurt in a relationship is not to have them!!
Last edited on Saturday December 20th, 2003 08:07 by stylishsista
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Posted: Saturday December 20th, 2003 00:22 |
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| if he was the one younsure wouldn'e be writing the rubbish you have just written here. You know the answer leva ethe weirod as soon as possible with your peide intact than later when he is going to hurt you deeply.
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Mafdet
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Posted: Saturday December 20th, 2003 09:31 |
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stylishsista wrote: Dont give your heart away.
Leave it behind closed doors so you wont get hurt!!
Just like the best protection from a sexually transmitted disease and getting pregnant is no sex at all!!
The best protection from getting hurt in a relationship is not to have them!!
@Stylishsista
WOW!!!!! Hey look  do you want to talk about it....are you hurting bad right now..... ok I'm ready tell Maffy all about it  I'm all ears
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Happiness
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Posted: Sunday December 21st, 2003 01:51 |
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@ Stylishsista -  dont mind Maffy - she just likes to be in everyones business!!
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then you haven't even begun to think about what it means to be human" ~ Dr C.T.Vivian
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Mafdet
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Posted: Tuesday December 23rd, 2003 07:55 |
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@Stylishsista......and don't mind Happi she's always the first to call me wanting the latest gossip 
@Happie
   
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theartistdyc
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Posted: Tuesday April 6th, 2004 06:50 |
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I must give you good vibes. Long distance relationships can blossom into a beautiful thing. It is true what they say, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being in a long distance relationship before in my life, I always looked forward to reuniting. And what ever happened when I wasn't around wasn't important to me. What mattered, is that when we were together, it was "us". Don't give up so easily. It could work, only if the two of you want it to.
Good luck.
theartistdyc~
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Posted: Tuesday April 6th, 2004 14:50 |
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 forget about him
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Seventh_Angel
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Posted: Wednesday April 7th, 2004 05:40 |
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Salaam, Fam...
Sis...Love YOURSELF!!...and accept the TRUTH.
Our refusal to accept a situation on the basis of "how much I've invested" in it, is only vanity. People make bad "investments" every day. The successful ones are those who manage to learn from their mistake(s) and move on. Just take it as a Learning Experience, and go on with your life. Yeah, it hurts...HELL yeah it hurts, but that's Life. KEEP LIVIN, Sis....KEEP LIVIN.
One Love
"The distance between the hearts is always greater than the distance between the bodies."
Last edited on Wednesday April 7th, 2004 05:45 by Seventh_Angel
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Posted: Monday April 12th, 2004 11:43 |
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Posted: Wednesday April 14th, 2004 09:43 |
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YOU DONT NEED HIM!!!!
if it wasnt for the fact that his girl was coming back, he wouldnt have told you a damn thang! remembe that!
i know its not easy especially when you can feel yourself falling in love with him but, you have to see that he's no good for you and just stay away from him because the more you speak to him and see him, the harder it will be for you to see that he's no good for you.
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Sista Africa
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Posted: Thursday April 15th, 2004 15:53 |
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@ILUVU
Move on, and forget this 'love' thing it can be like a noose round your neck sometimes...
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